The Lows of My Bipolar Disorder

THE lows of my bipolar disorder are taking time to pass this time around and I attribute it more on my intense pain in my lower back and my two lower extremities. Despite the pain medications, which I take even if they can damage my kidneys, I am never without pain.

Back pain, of course, has always been with me since my lumbar and sacral vertebrae started to degenerate faster and more than the rest of my upper vertebrae, but the intensity is more at present. I cannot bear the pain! There is also wedging of the affected vertebrae plus scoliosis. And there is this condition called Spondylolisthesis of the lumbar spine, diagnosed nearly a decade ago. And each and everyone of the conditions mentioned are causing pain!

The culprit is both my inherited Osteogenesis Imperfecta or the commonly-called “brittle bone disease” and Osteoporosis which set in in advance as a result of an early menopause, brought about by the removal of both my ovaries when cancer was discovered in my uterus in the late 2000. I was only 43 years old then.

When I am low, I tend to isolate myself and wallow in self-pity, which, fight though I may with my natural positive demeanor, always surfaces. What I dread most during this phase is the feeling of worthlessness, magnified by the pain and other conditions in my body. And my disinterest in doing what I love doing is ever present and it makes me feel useless. It’s like my life is empty and no meaning at all!

I did mention in an old blog post that the best way to manage depression is just to allow its course to take place and not fight it. (Please refer to Treating Depression the Positive Way.) But I am not happy with it in as much as the inactivity is making me restless.

But seeing the good of it, by way of me being able to sleep well and long, is somehow helping and that is how I manage the lows at the moment. My body gets to rest and as has proven by science, healing takes place more when one is asleep. Good that my awareness of the low phase is very strong, I am somehow able not to get too much affected by it. I just now am simply waiting till it passes.

And soon, please, God, I pray!

 

 

 

About Author

Freda Editha O. Contreras
Writing is a God-given talent which I try to utilize the good way. I used it as a means to earn a living, my very first job after graduating from college, when I got hired as an Information Writer by the Provincial Government of Antique through Governor Enrique A. Zaldivar in January 1982. By profession, I am a Registered Nurse, and was only able to practice it when I got recruited to work in a private hospital in Kuwait. This was in November 1987 and since then I have been living in Kuwait, now retired since June 2002. Because of my knack in writing I got hired in 1994 to write for Kuwait Times and later became an Editor of 'Pinoy News' a weekly supplement of KT. In March 1996 I published the very first independent Filipino newspaper in Kuwait and the Gulf bannered as Pinoy Expat News or PEN. The paper lasted for only 10 weekly issues. This was followed by another publication and came out first as an insert of an ad paper and later as a separate tabloid. I used then 'Pinoy News' as it was my idea the first time it was used for Kuwait Times. This again failed and produced only three weekly issues. I then turned to the Internet and in 1999 I got hired as a Contributing Editor of Suite101.com, a writers' portal on the web. The last of my articles was published December 31, 2002 but my topic 'Overseas Filipino Workers' was still visible until January 2006. All the 38 articles I wrote have been compiled into a book which I published in August 2007. I discovered blogging in 2006 but was not really serious about my writing. I wrote according to my whim. Having this blog under my own domain name is now a welcome development and I plan to concentrate again in writing. As is commonly said: "A writer will always be a writer." http://fredacontreras.com/

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