How I Tamed My Anger and Irritability
WHEN I learned that my irritability and quick-to-anger stance were caused by my Bipolar Disorder, I slowly made a conscious effort to tame them – for the reason that I didn’t, and still do not, want to be defined by my illness. Awareness is the key and coupled with the desire to improve one’s self and to change for the better, I slowly succeeded in conquering the unsavory attitudes.
My Facebook Timeline, from the time I actively made use of it in the early 2010, is full of my aggressive outbursts and because I am a spontaneous person – not thinking nor pausing when writing a post – I was freely expressing my anger or disgust for just about anything.
One example I can give you is the following:
Am back, folks! As mentioned, you will still witness the “now you see me, now you don’t” while I try to manage my mental illness. Not that I already have so much other health concerns to manage, but that’s my life, so I say: “Bring them on!”
Went to St. Paul’s Hospital in Iloilo City with Waleed yesterday for a scheduled blood extraction for the needed RFT (renal function test) prior to CT scans of my chest, abdomen and pelvis. I was already experiencing an on and off foul mood days prior and the long travel along the circuitous road in the mountains of Antique added more to lower my hard-to-handle stable state.
I got pissed off by the hospital’s so-called protocol I ended up cancelling the CT scan scheduled for tomorrow! I understand enough that as a patient, I have to follow the protocol, but my foul mood got the better of me and not even Waleed can change my mind when I am in that mood!
It started with the technician’s casual asking if I am allergic to something. I said I have allergic rhinitis and am taking an antihistamine tablet daily. And added that when I eat too much clams (shell) I will exhibit some form of an allergy. He then said that, as per protocol, I will need clearance from a doctor, of which Waleed said that it is not necessary citing that I have been undergoing CT scans in the past 14 years and no incident ever! I saw the hesitation on the technician’s face so I said forget about that I said I am allergic to clam! I now claim I have NO allergy at all – with my loud impatient voice! He left and went to his superior and soon I was ushered inside the CT Imaging office.
Same protocol was emphasized and I said I am willing to sign any paper attesting to the fact that I take full responsibility for whatever bad effects the CT scan will give me. No waiver, in this particular case, the lady head said. I have to see a doctor and get a clearance, she insisted!
Oh yeah? And how would the doctor, tell me, establish that I have allergy to clams or to any other food? Look, I said, we just arrived from a long travel from Antique and I would want to go back the soonest. Can we just please settle this amicably and get done with it the fastest way possible? Her look said NO! And she was sure surprised when I stood up and shouted!
“Why, are you giving me clams prior to the CT scan? To hell with the CT scan!” Then I left and banged the door!