FACEBOOK’s “On This Day” special feature today is a “ready to blog” piece and because of my pronouncement in the past that I will transfer one by one to this personal blog of mine all of my written works of old, I am sharing, herewith, the Status Post:
My sleeping pattern is still erratic but since my psychiatrist increased the frequency of one of my tablets, I am now able to sleep, uninterruptedly, for 6 to 8 hours the most, in a day. I used to stay awake up to 21 hours straight and even if I felt tired, my back especially, and my eyes were droopy, sleep was always elusive. Am also now learning to follow a simple routine of daily activities, slowly eliminating, one by one, those which are extras to my already over-burdened life.
It is never easy, of course, especially the “letting go” part because, for one, my conscience tells me otherwise and the other reason is that I have always been following my God’s bidding of helping the downtrodden and I already reached over half a decade of my life and if, indeed, I need to change, should I do something contrary to what I have been brought up and taught and shown, by example, in helping people? Which, I know, for a fact, is something GOOD? In my mind, you change something which is bad, ta?
I do realize that I cannot help everybody, as my dear Waleed has always been emphasizing. Impossible, of course, especially if you think of people in terms of their number! For this reason that I have only been helping AS MUCH as I could, but lately, because of miscalculations and mismanagement of my financial resources, I reached a point where there was nothing more to give extra to the people immediately surrounding me!
In time, in Allah’s time, I will recover, and lessons learned from this latest debacle, I will try as much to do away from committing. This has always been my problem – refusing to admit that I can’t help at the moment, so I commit, thinking that God will show me a way. And still am struggling how to say NO, although I have pronounced, in the past, that I finally learned how to say NO! I believe though that this is something which I cannot really learn completely. From now on, I will only say NO if there is nothing more to give!
But because I am a very giving person – I was brought up like this – saying NO, completely, is a no-no for me!
Let me end this by quoting some lines from one of my blog stories:
“I wish that you would all “see” God and “feel” God as I do. Believe me, you will never feel alone and in need of material things. God will make you to just give and give of yourself, of your talents and gifts and your material possessions. Yet when you give all out, you won’t feel empty-handed. In fact you will feel full and fulfilled as God is always with you. His spirit fills your body.”